I'M REALLY PRETTY VERY MUCH A USELESS HUMAN BEING

B. McGILLICUDDY

I don't like myself anymore. Earlier today I thought I was the shit. Right now, I'm pretty convinced that my social credibility and people's general expectations of me dropped to nearly zero once I started getting serious about this blog. I'm kinda suffering pre-post traumatic shock in anticipation of my girlfriend trying to convince me to break up with her at some point tomorrow. But I'm not going to do it. Because as useless as I feel now, I'd just feel worse without her. I'm writing a novel about her. Well, not specifically about her, it's based partly on our relationship, but it's set 1,000 years in the future and I keep telling people it's the perfect literary cross between Apocalypse Now/Heart of Darkness, 2001 A Space Odyssey, and Pokemon the original videogame, but with a love story. And of course it being set 1,000 years in the future makes it even cooler/gnarlier, and there's no way I'll ever finish it if we split up, and besides her, it's the only thing on the whole fucking planet that I care about right now, so that's a negatory on the splitty-uppy. And besides that I love her, and I mean I'm in love with her, and it pisses me off because girls can be ridiculous about love sometimes. Especially when they're unsure about things, and I don't want her to be unsure. I just don't. Because I'm sure, so she should be too. I'm shaking now a little. I'm out of cigarettes and money and I can't write my novel because I can't focus. I don't like feeling this weak, but sometimes you can't help it. I hope everything works out okay.

B. McGILLICUDDY