THE McGILLICUDDY CHRONICLES: VIRGINITY THIEVES

B. McGILLICUDDY

QUIT FUCKING WITH MY APOCALYPSE.

I really wanted to be a good Christian boy! I wanted to see Revelation COME TRUE! Why did you feed me marijuana!? Why did you give me a cigarette on my 18th birthday!? Why did you get me drunk and take all your clothes of!? I don't understand!

I was supposed to go up in a flash of light! I was supposed to ride with Elijah on them glittery chariots o' fire way up past the Mt. Olympus, and Kilimanjaro, and the Rockies and Himalayas where all them OTHER GODS were chillin' and DIED and go be Jesus' wife 4EVR! LOOK WHAT YOU DID!

Why did you dilute my protestantism beautiful Catholic girl!? Why did you destroy my deism anarchical potfiend!? Why did you steal my self-loathing virginity thief!? I'm so goddamned happy! Why and when the fuck did this happen!?

And now I'm here. At the big shift. Between "child" and "freeter" and maybe "man". The universe isn't asking anything of me anymore, and I'm FINE with that. I just want to know why everybody else is still so addicted to "important" shit, and why I need money to keep being happy. And why my apathy is so widely acknowledged but so seldom questioned.

THE END ISN'T NEAR. THE END IS EITHER HERE OR NOT HERE, and right now I'm sitting at a computer typing. What about my apocalypse? Where's my redemption? WHERE'S MY MONEY BIATCH!?

B. McGILLICUDDY