RBBTZN'SHT

B. McGILLICUDDY

There's something slimy and kinda sexual about frogs. They are swampy animals that are mostly known for their "songs" where they "ribbit" and bloat their jowls in a very scrotumesque gesture. The ritual of it is kinda creepy, and the bulgy eye thing isn't the cutest, but still, they remind me of the gooey nature of the minute, repetitive, OMGI'MGONNACUM aspect of the act. And the fact that tropical tree frogs are like the most poisonous little monsters on the globe makes THEM all the more ironic.

HARES. And by hairz I mean pubes/rabbits. The universal symbol of baby-making. They are fluffy-wuffy-kewtilly-snuggly-wuggums that just like fucking, all the time supposedly. Or maybe it's just because of that population growth diagram I saw in my biology class that they've been immortalized as such. I've never actually seen rabbits fucking before...GOOGLETIME!
..............
WHOA, I GOT WAY TO CARRIED AWAY WITH THAT. So rabbit sex doesn't look like any fun at all. If you've ever heard a rabbit scream, it's probably one of the sounds that inspired the concept of Hell, because it's not just obnoxious, It's earsplitting, and I just endured about half-an-hour of it. Don't think rabbits are the best candidates for the universal sex symbol. It's mostly the male rabbit hopping and humping around different holes until finally, bam! we're in! and then that lasts for about ten seconds and he's like, whoa! we're ouuuuuuut, and the whole time the female's all like "I don't really know how I feel about this, so I'm gonna scream until you give up," and of course, he never does. Persistent little lucky charm.

Ironickerly than the case of the deadly frog, is that the wife of a rabbi, who happens to be DIVINELY ORDERED to pop out billions of Jews all by her lonesome, is called a rebbetzin! Now maybe THAT'S where the RABBinowITz legend came from, because rabbi's DEFINITELY "fuck like rabbits". But there's just one thing about that that I don't get. Never in my life have I seen/met/heard of a Rabbi that seemed even remotely like he had anything to offer in a pleasurable thrust-gushing sense. They all just seem SOOOOO AWKWARD. Hopefully there's some Dr. Phil/Ruth figure who goes around the world giving tips on that matter to such dudes/rebbetzins for the greater sake of The Chosen. In fact I know one in-training, in case any rabbis/baby-makin-maschnitzels are reading and would like a referral.

In other news, "Ribbitting Rabbits for a Rabid Rebbitzin" is the name of my new documentary (out circa 2019), cumming to a theater just so far away from you that you go "meh" and decide to watch "What Dreams May Come" instead, near you.

B. McGILLICUDDY

P.S.
I don't know if you guys can tell, or if you care at all, but I like vaginae, and I have an unlimited access pass to my favorite one.

P.P.S.
Sorry to any "singles" who aren't on the Whorearound train to Orgasmsville. I'm not trying to make you jealous/horny/yes I definitely am.