WHEN KEEPIN' IT REAL GOES "WRONG" - DAVID KHARI WEBBER CHAPPELLE

B. McGILLICUDDY

"People" have these things, called "emotions". One of them is called "hurt". It makes you sad.

People have a thing called "trust" too. Sometimes it gets "betrayed".

People have things called "other people", and when they are together they are called "friends" sometimes. Sometimes they are called "lovers". Other times they are called "acquaintances". Sometimes they give these "titles" other names to keep hurt from happening because they are afraid that their trust will be betrayed.

I don't know the difference between any of these titles. I don't read my dictionary religiously, so inevitably I get the meanings of words mixed up and people get hurt and are sad because I couldn't tell the difference when it was "important".

Sometimes apologizing helps people feel "better" about how sad they have gotten. Other times there is nothing you can do to fix the problem, especially if the person who got hurt has "trust issues".

I have had to learn that this is true many different times and with different results. It hurts me when I betray peoples' trust. I don't like doing it. It makes me sad.

But sometimes life betrays my trust. Sometimes life hurts me, because of my unrealistic expectations and realizations about how impossible it is to get what it is that you want for the most part. But sometimes the opportunity to "get what you want" comes around despite its seeming impossibility. It is important to be happy when this happens because it is usually the only time when you don't have to force yourself to be happy or use artificial stimulation to make you "think happy thoughts".

I'm sad. And when I am sad I am more likely to hurt people who trust me because I am not interested in their expectations and end up forgetting what it is "I'm supposed to do" when it is "important" to do the "right thing". I don't want to be sad. I don't want to be a bad friend/lover/acquaintance. I want to be perfect all of the time so everyone likes me.

It makes me happy when people like me even though I am not perfect. There is a word called "serendipity" that I think describes when that happens pretty well.

Today, my horoscope said, "You may reveal a bit too much information today, but it's actually good to have it in the open". Honestly, this horoscope has never been right. But if it is today, then I will be happy.

I am a reckless and unbearable person without you,

B. McGILLICUDDY