vimeo.com account review: john campbell

john campbell of 'boo hoo boo' and 'pictures for sad children' makes videos

you think they're 'pretty sweet'


trailer: 'dead midgets'

you feel strange/awkward/guilty promoting your own movie on your blog

but you like... feel obligated to... like, for two reasons

first, for promotional purposes, because people who are interested in movies read your blog and are more likely to watch a trailer via your blog than by 'stumbling on' it or watching it via social networks like facebook because your blog gets way more hits

second, because you think that you would be interested in this movie via some hypothetical parallel experience of watching this trailer without the subjective attachment of having been a part of the entire process of making the movie, so you feel obligated to expose other people with similar sensibilities to the project

you contemplate writing a critique of the movie, but feel this is 'too bold', perhaps, and would involve a lot of much information, information that would be better introduced to the world via promotional media outlets to create a 'slow stream' of output and increase in 'buzz'

you think about the fact that 'this is normal, it is normal for "bloggers" to promote creative output via their own media source', however because 'romantic rhetoric' seems designed as a 'farcical' movie critique blog a la 'variety'-meets-HRO, or maybe something else entirely, you think 'this feels weird... awful maybe'

you keep writing things... to fill space maybe...

you think about saying something related to the production of the movie... percentages of completion maybe... something about your relationship with the cast... various scandals that happened during pre-production and production... who the film is dedicated to maybe... why it's titled 'dead midgets'... you can't process or discern what is best to talk about

you consider what marketing repercussions this might have

'will this produce press at all?' you think, 'would this even remotely be considered a tactful marketing strategy?'

'does this movie even "approach" "good enough" to be exposed "to the public"?'

'will anyone enjoy watching these videos? will anyone come to the premier? do i like the movie?'
what is filmmaking? why do people do it? why do i do it? what is the purpose of suspending disbelief and causing extreme emotions? what are the repercussions of this human 'diversion'? what contribution, if any, will my movies have to the process of making movies? will i 'succeed'? will i be 'the greatest filmmaker in the world' as i wanted to be as a child? is that even possible? who else has achieved that? steven spielberg? wes anderson? david lynch? do i respect these people? do i 'genuinely enjoy' their movies or have i been conditioned to? where does 'enjoyment' derive from scientifically? philosophically? memetically? is this important? should i just 'keep going'?


movie critique: 'another earth'

mike cahill directs
brit marling
and william mapother

rating: 'goddamn... goddamn...'

you dismiss the trailer for 'another earth' without finishing it

you think 'this is maybe one of the worst attempts at fusing sci-fi and drama that i have seen that has gotten anything resembling an accolade'

you move on to 'more interesting' movie trailers and watch like... movies that aren't 'another earth'

you read a review for 'another earth' and feel confused about the positive nature of the review

you contemplate the fact that between lars von trier's 'melancholia' and terrence malick's 'tree of life' it seems coincidental that there is an 'indie' movie with similar imagery/themes and begin to develop slight interest

you watch the trailer again, you feel the same way you did originally

one night while an acrobatics troupe is staying at your house you get extremely high and watch 'another earth' via a spanish-language movie streaming website

while watching 'another earth' you feel extreme emotions, cry, lose suspension of disbelief, but don't care and are 'convinced' that 'another earth' is your 'new favorite movie'

the next day, you watch interviews with the cast and director and find out that mike cahill is part of a trio of actor-writer-directors in the same vein as wes anderson, noah baumbach and owen wilson and feel affected by the group dynamic/'narrative tact' with how they approach 'storytelling' and the extremity of the subject matter

you feel so deeply affected that you think 'i don't care that the movie is "not believable" because it is self aware of its non-believableness and approaches the subject/themes/characters/effects with understanding, tact, wit, and life-affirmation as a basis... sweet'

you contemplate doing a 'write up' of 'the theme of science-fiction-related drama in recent movies...' but... well... maybe you'll do that a little later...

movie critique: 'putty hill'

matt porterfield directs
sky ferreira
zoe vance
cody ray
and dustin ray

rating: 'damn, bro'

mid 2010 you see a promotional video for an upcoming movie via 'kickstarter' titled 'putty hill'

you see the director, who is from a city adjacent to your hometown, talking about the movie in a video and feel abnormal interest in the movie, but mostly negative, maybe jealousy-related emotions about the director

you move to baltimore in late 2010

'putty hill' is showing at 'charles village theater' near your house

you repeatedly make plans to see the movie but do not, instead seeing [other various movies you don't remember]

when people mention 'putty hill' in conversation you consistently assert 'i hate that guy, the director' which garners interest in why

you do not 'hate' the director, though you feel, perhaps, small types of competition-related emotional outbursts when thinking about 'putty hill' and how well 'putty hill' is doing domestically as an insanely low-budget movie

you are solicited to audition for a short video made by students at 'MICA' (maryland institute college of art) and are cast as the co-star of the video, along with your friends kristin and huckleberry

you appear on set and feel surprised to see the director of 'putty hill' standing by the viewfinder and are introduced to him and the crew seems to look at you suspiciously because in social settings you have asserted to 'hate' him

the director of 'putty hill' is the instructor for the course the video is being made for and appears multiple times around many of the same venues as you

you talk casually about movies and life in baltimore and personal anecdotes and perceive that you have established a relationship or at least repertoire

later, the director, who has directed multiple music videos for the band 'double dagger' appears at a 'secret show' at your house, which you make a movie about

he seems excited that you are there, making a movie and multiple times makes friendly gestures and asserts that he is happy to see you

mid-november, 2011, you see via the director's facebook that the DVD for 'putty hill' is on-sale

you have no money and are not in the country, so you search the internet to see if it is available to download via torrent

it is

you watch the movie and feel deeply affected

you feel surprised at how affecting and new-feeling the movie is and feel inspired and maybe 'in awe' of the director a little

you feel happy and watch the movie again that night while falling asleep

you think 'good job, matt' repeatedly while falling asleep


movie critique: 'the tree of life'

terrence malick directs
brad pitt
sean penn
jessica chastain

rating: 'perplexing'

you feel a sort of personal antipathy towards period movies due to their inability to apply existentially to your experiences on earth

you see the trailer for 'the tree of life' and think, 'seems like a less narrative-oriented version of "revolutionary road"' and consistently return to this thought whenever thoughts of the movie 'arise'

you deduce from an article on 'hipster runoff' that there are dinosaur sequences in the movie and think, 'whoa, kind of want to see this now'

you read the wikipedia page for 'the tree of life' and feel confused about the casting of sean penn as brad pitt's son, and develop further feelings of ambivalence toward seeing the movie

you read an article in 'variety' describing the movie as 'more art than cinema' or something and feel annoyed, like... 'if this is art then it's probably boring, abstract, museum-y, etc. and not something that will appeal to me on a basic emotional level... so like... why watch it?'

you 'cave' due to overwhelming desires to experience a movie with a 'cosmic scope', which you have trouble discerning the definition of

you watch the movie over the course of ~3 sittings and consistently do 'other shit' while the movie plays in the periphery

you pause the movie several times to attempt to find interviews with the director, terrence malick, but only happen upon this:

you return to the wikipedia article and feel interested in reading about the special effects in the movie

you find an article saying that the 'sfx' bro who did some of the scenes worked on '2001: a space odyssey'

you finish watching the movie and return to the original state of ambivalence re 'period pieces' and 'abstract narratives' you felt after watching the trailer, but with a heightened sense that maybe some of the events occurred in the life of the director, and validate them in an existential sense

you feel compelled to watch more movies like 'the tree of life' and 'melancholia' that juxtapose planet-level enormity with 'relatable' images of 'modern life' and recall 'diebuster' with positive sentiments


trailer: 'girlfriend'

like... you feel your head performing tiny series of combustions... and like... air leaking out of somewhere... cranial sutures, you discern

you think 'how did i find this? how did i find this without seeing it on a twilight forum?'

'it is so bleak that i found this trailer,' you think

'i need a "break"... a "break" from "movie hell"'...

you think, as you count down one minute to walking away from the computer, 'this was what it was like to discover harmony korine... but this is... this is more depraved maybe... unsure'

two sleeping beauties, one year

two movies came out in the past year, one titled 'sleeping beauty', and the other, 'la belle endormie'

which trailer do you feel most affected by?

the one about a high-end, barely legal prostitute who gets banged in her sleep and calls it a 'skill'?

or the 'retelling' of the fairytale that looks like something out of a magical realism novel that may or may not have a plot?

'i'm going to go masturbate to both,' you think

trailer: 'being elmo'

you discern high levels of of 'bewilderment' after this trailer finishes

you think 'this feeling is similar to the revelation that jaleel white did the voice of sonic the hedgehog i think'

you have, maybe since birth, been... like... abnormally confused by and had like... a pop-culture related fascination with 'elmo'

but have perceived, since high school, that puppeteering, in general, is like... 'low art' or a more objective equivalent

like... not creatively challenging

or... like, delusional because everyone knows it's a fucking puppet, like, you're not fooling anyone, and it's not funny, it's like, creepy mostly

so like, you never thought about the puppeteer

you feel like this is similar to when you found out jim henson did the puppeteering for kermit... or walt disney the voice of mickey... or frank oz the voice of yoda... or tim allen the voice of buzz lightyear... or like... mel gibson the voice of john smith in 'pocahontas'... 'like... who spends their time being a voice,' you think

but like... you realize this guy must have been working insanely hard for a long time... into the 21st century... just... like... doing this... being elmo... every day...

'jesus,' you think, 'why is my brain processing this like this?'


movie critique: 'midnight in paris'

woody allen directs
owen wilson
rachel mcadams
marion cotillard
kathy bates
andrien brody
carla bruni
and michael sheen

rating: 'woody allen'

you don't remember when you saw the trailer for 'midnight'

you remember immediately thinking about owen wilson's suicide attempt after watching the trailer

you remember watching a series of interviews with wes anderson and owen wilson after watching the trailer

you remember 'revisiting' some woody allen movies after watching the trailer

you remember wanting, vaguely, to see the movie, but like... maybe... like... you thought it would be boring or 'indulgent' in the way that woody allen films always seem

you remember thinking—as you frequently do—'i would fuck rachel mcadams' and maybe feeling [something like 'guilty'] about it

you use your friend's laptop to move some photoshop files you worked on a month ago
to your new computer

you remember you downloaded the movie on your friend's laptop while she was on vacation and forgot about it

you ask your girlfriend if she wants to watch 'midnight'

she seems enthused about it, but says she has work to do

you tell her you are going to watch it but that you can watch it together later

you watch 'midnight' while designing some stationary for the hotel you work for

you tell your girlfriend that the movie 'isn't romantic... it's like... like a woody allen movie... you know how woody allen movies are... do you like woody allen movies...? it's like... dark... not romantic or anything really'

you think about doing work curating the art gallery at the hotel and plan to hang some 'pieces' at 5pm

at 8pm you start writing a 'critique' of 'midnight' and realize you haven't done any work and can't really remember what you did for the past four hours besides chug coffee and walk around the hotel aimlessly and think about working

trailer: 'in time'

you feel a series of 'wtf-like' thoughts compiling incoherently in your brain

you feel confused, intrigued, intellectually betrayed, 'hypothetically' aroused, more confused, anxious and alert

you want to see this movie, but you don't know why

your friend tells you it was directed by the same person who directed 'gattaca' which you remember feeling similar emotions and having similar thoughts about

after thinking about how you feel/intellectually respond to this trailer you discern that this movie is a compilation of cliched 'selling points' (actors with recent success, los angeles in 'the near future' as a setting, the poor man-rich man dichotomy) but thematically, the subject of 'impending doom' on an existential level and outside the context of a supernaturally 'talented' main character (james bond, captain kirk, jason statham) or an emo, 'completely fucked' main character (joseph gordon levitt in '50/50', will smith in 'seven pounds', jean michel basquiat) seems somewhat unexplored in movies, you think

you feel interested in 'finding out' if the movie is an existential thriller or just... like... what it looks like... basically

you will probably download a cam of it this evening, if one is available


movie critique: 'limitless'

neil burger directs
bradley cooper
abbie cornish
and robert de niro

rating: 'damn bro'

you watch the trailer for 'limitless' and notice the bro from 'the hangover' is the main character

you feel intellectually attracted to the theme of mental performance enhancement and decide that though this movie seems 'bro-y' you'll watch it

you download the torrent and wait for a few hours

you watch the movie in one sitting and feel consistently alert and entertained throughout

you feel happy that the movie is completely void of kanye west's music (unlike the trailer)

you remember events in your life that seem vaguely reminiscent of the events in the movie and feel affirmed in your efforts to 'do better'

you like that the movie is 'mild' in all of its non-realistic aspects (i.e. 'science fiction' is one experimental drug, 'magical realism' occurs as slight, seamless changes in the main character's perception and never occurs outside of his perceived reality, 'temporal unidirectionality' is only broken once outside of the context of memory, 'class dichotomy' is between struggling writer and successful businessman, and not, like, a third world orphan and a god-like figure)

you watch the movie with your girlfriend, who also enjoys it, and think 'limitless' is a good 'date movie'


trailer: 'angels crest'

you think 'jesus... scenesters... this is like, marketed directly at scenesters'

you perceive the woodland animal motif, eyeliner boy, baby in indian chief hat, jeremy piven 'HBOing it up' as an 'asshole law-man', the bi-curious vibe, the emo 'this world is against me' bullshit, and ultimately the 'i am so sorry' mantra as qualities reminiscent of the 20-something subculture you have previously perceived and currently consider 'scenesters'

watching this trailer, you discern thoughts relating to 30 seconds to mars music videos and middle-class angst and romanticized solitude and think 'what the fuck... like... is that the only group this is marketed towards... like... someone made a movie thinking "scenesters will be into this"?'

you notice an actress from from the first season of 'tru blood' is in this movie

you do not want to see this movie

after watching this trailer you visit yourscenesucks.com for something resembling 'validation' re your opinion about this movie, but end up mostly feeling deflated and like you just want to find a trailer that doesn't 'suck'


trailer: 'young adult'

you think, 'damn,' after seeing the poster, 'seems "indie"'

'charlize theron. wonder what she is pursuing artistically after making the "career-marring" decision to co-star in "hancock"'

you play the trailer you think, 'this is that david bowie song at the end of "life aquatic" by wes anderson', 'seems gimmicky in a way i can't relate to'

the trailer asserts 'by the director of "thank you for smoking"'

you think, 'fuck, oh god, no', then the trailer says 'and the writer of "juno"', and you think 'how did someone let this happen again?'

you calmly decide not to write a rambling, slanderous, unironic article about 'what's wrong with indie [or something]' and just post the trailer and type a brief 'critique' with a neutral facial expression and with your mouth slightly agape


trailer: 'project x'

you think 'damn' and 'joel silver' and 'what is this movie even about' and then 'kid kudi soundtrack, bros being bros, hot bitches. okay, i'll post this i guess'

trailer: 'like crazy'

you think 'jesus' and 'emo' repeatedly while watching this trailer


trailer: 'chronicle'

you feel interested in 'super powers' and narratives that explore what people might do with 'super powers', and assume this movie will be pretty predictable/teen-oriented, but don't feel sure