confessions of an admitted whore


i can't bring myself to twit (tweet?)
i have been in bed with too many websites.
it all started with black planet:
a site for black folks and people who like black folks.
then there was xanga:
the original blogging site.
an online journal type thingy.
next came myspace:
you know what that is...
a place for friends or whatevs.
then there was flickr:
(or however you spell that shit.)
a networking site for photographers.
and now i'm on facebook:
(prepare for shameless plug:
oh, shit...
i almost forgot the website i am currently on...
blogger, imeem, youtube, and too many more to name...
(yeah, it's so bad, i've lost count.)
so you can understand why twitter just feels like a sin!
like i'd officially be a website whore if i fucked with another one.
so you will not find me on twitter...
at least not tonight...
or tomorrow
(assuming i can hold out that long.
these websites are so fucking seductive!!!)
but, you know, if you are into that whole internet promiscuity, do your thing.
i think that i and facebook, though, are just gonna go ahead and settle down for a while.
hell, we may even marry.
he doesn't mind when i have the occasional nightcap with blogger.

holler at a player.


i haven't been on a date in forever.


i think that i'm gonna write my first post where i'm not really bitching about something.
goooo, OS (i just shortened my pseudonym in case you didn't quite get that)!?!

i think this is one of those dry times in life.
it seems almost every person i know is single.
(unless they are ugly.
ugly people always have someone for some reason.
probably because, like a friend of mine said, they give great head.)
but, yeah, singledom is actually pretty cool this time around.
i'm not really hurting for companionship, i mean, i have amazing friends.
and a cuddlebuddy when necessary.
and i think right now that's all i need.
it really is kind of fun to have an unlimited amount of options.
i think this is because right now i sort of do.
i feel pretty a good amount of time now.
that sounds sooo bad.
i never feel not pretty.
i just sometimes feel... not as pretty as i am.
and life just seems to be flowing great unexpectedly.
i say all this to say that it's cool to be single and shit.
but i do miss the bangbangbang sometimes.

oh, yeah, add me on facebook.
cuz that's what all the cool kids do.





But not today.






So I apologize for the sudden decision but I decided to go out and do my own thing.

I've deleted all my posts and put them on my own blog, which I have of course, credited to Romantic Rhetoric

However, I think that my vision interferes with the blog and as such I am writing my own thing.

If you want to find my stuff it's at http://www.owlc.blogspot.com

So I'm sorry co-writers but for once I decided to stick up for myself and here it is.

This is a wonderful blog, my nude pictures cheapened it so please keep reading rorhet, it has a lot to say and it keeps firing up the literary engine, a lot more than my senseless rants.

So if you want tits and rants you know where to go, but if you want depth you stay here.

Floyd and Buttercup are the ones that started me writing again and I thank them deeply for it, but now I have to go and do what I do. I may not be as popular but hey, my goal in life is to : a) go to law school or b) open a bakery.



friends shouldn't fuck.

it's been so long i almost forgot my name...
sad, sad thing.
i need a fucking computer.
and the internet
any donators?)

people have too many problems removing emotions from "friend i fuck" situations. 
most, not all. 
but (i'm making up this statistic) at least 65% of all friendships are made fucky by screwing. 
it's usually the fault of the chick right?
cuz we're all soft and warm and gushy on the inside. 
no pun intended?
but--really--someone always catches feelings. 
and if you guys are already friends and someone is considering falling on the pen15 or inside of the vag (even worse!!) DON'T DO IT!!
it's great at first, you know, you all stare into each other's eyes. 
and have all of those great inside jokes. 
and you kiss lots. 
and think nobody can see you guys making eyes across the room.
but they can. 
and you guys will start spending even more time together. 
over night is next. 
then days at a time. 
then comes a fight. 
and you end up with eight kids on welfare. 
so don't have sex with your friends.

(i know i cut it short... 
but i'm in a rush. 
so bite me. 
you fucking chuckled anyway.)





I am breaking up with you
Based on the very minute possibility
That I will be able to find someone better
Before I become uncontrollably horny again

We should have sex
One last time
So that I can imagine your vagina
And not some other bitch's
Or start watching porn again
The next time I am in bed
And restless
And regret having broken up with you

I would prefer that you not cry
Because I want to stop feeling sympathetic toward you
Why aren't you crying? Why aren't you crying?
Didn't our relationship mean anything to you?
Wasn't the past five months
One continuous G-spot orgasm?
Or am I delusional maybe?
Am I crying

I am breaking up with you
Because I believe that there is someone in the world
Who has a vagina, who won't talk shit about me
Behind my back
I am breaking up with you
Because I believe that there is a woman somewhere
Who compliments me perfectly
But who is also not lame enough to sign up for online dating

I am breaking up with you
Because I am afraid of your mind
Because after five months, I am not entirely convinced that you are sane
Or at least insane in a way that compliments my insanity
And I don't trust you

Stop talking shit about me in your head
Yes, I will change my mind within a week
You listen really well but I can tell you think that I am shit
By looking at your eyes
You have really sort of beautiful eyes
And I think I am most specifically breaking up with your eyes

Stop talking shit about me in your head





I don't care, says Winona Ryder. I don't care either, says Liam Neeson. I mean I don't think we should date anymore, says Winona Ryder. I mean I don't think we should have sexual intercourse anymore, says Liam Neeson. What do you want me to say to that, says Winona Ryder. I am ignoring you from now on, says Liam Neeson, and my ankle itches. You're an asshole, says Winona Ryder. I know you are, but what am I, says Liam Neeson. My mother is coming to dinner, says Winona Ryder. You're mother approaches completely normal situations irrationally and I want her to die, says Liam Neeson. Maybe we should rethink things, says Winona Ryder. I drank half a bottle of scotch before breakfast, says Liam Neeson feeling a little bit like cookie dough, but not too much like cookie dough. This doesn't seem to be worth it at all, says Winona Ryder, checking her purse for her bottle of adderall. I have so much work to do, she says and whimpers a little. I feel sorry about every dance I've ever danced with you and every song we ever listened to together, says Liam Neeson. You seem pathetic, says Winona Ryder. Want to go to the co-op and get sandwiches together, says Liam Neeson. I have to go to work at three, says Winona Ryder. How about dinner, says Liam Neeson. My mother is coming to that, says Winona Ryder. A giant guinea pig walks down the street to where Liam Neeson is and sniffs Liam Neeson's shoulder. Liam Neeson turns and says, what the fuck, where have you been this whole time.





Once, all the continents were combined into one Super Continent. And things were completely centralized in one very cluster-fucked place. There were angry things and happy things and massive things and tiny things and a thing that just wanted to get laid. Now there is America. Fuck.




There was this girl
She talked an awful lot
After three weeks of conversing with her
I felt like I needed to say more things
Then I talked to someone
And kept talking
And talking
For a very long time
It felt like I was writing a novel
With my mouth
They sat there, listening, nodding
Getting bored
I had trapped them
In a verbal singularity
Eventually they said they had to go
Eventually I realized that I should have
Let them say something
I left the girl
I told her she talked too much
I feel like I should have let her say something
When I was leaving her
But I didn't want to listen
To five hours
Of one person
Trying to make me believe
She didn't 'talk too much'





I often do things 'out of "love"'.

A series of impulses dictate these actions. Chemicals, if you will, cause these things to happen. 'Love' as it is so hopefully called, is an abstraction encompassing any series of the following feelings/statements, all of which are derived from the food that one eats and the drugs that one ingests and the poisons that go undigested and lay, dormant in one's body, to bring about one's doom.

Let's start broad, shall we?

'I love you.'
Absurd. Making a statement like this is irresponsible at worst and should be taken as a joke at best. The parameters for making such a boast are at all times completely unfounded because the 'feeling' of love in that moment can constitute nothing in the realm of taking any additional action to 'prove' one's love, unless one is about to die, at which point 'love' would be 38.46783% more useless.

'This is so romantic.'
Romanticism is the broadest of broad concepts and is often surrounded by a series of falsities, embellishments, and abstractions regarding events that would otherwise simply be considered 'stupid', 'irresponsible', or 'abusive'.

'Let's have sex.'
Sex is one of the few types of interaction that does not require or typically result from verbal instigation, and by no means implies 'love', though it is often seen as an accompanying act and a sign of one's 'feelings', the desire to engage in sex can just as easily result from a combination of aphrodisiacs, alcohol consumption, or the 'if there is no "no", all systems go' principle. 'Making love' on the other hand, is a highly emotional form of human bonding that if only committed to once or if carried on beyond the actual foundational impulses driving the act, can result in maniacal and socially compromising behavior.

'Will you marry me?'
The desire to engage in a legal contract with another person for the purpose of making sure they cannot leave you without judicial authorization is fucked, unless a couple has copulated, resulting in healthy offspring, and would be able to provide a comfortable living situation for the child. Any other reasoning for engaging in this sort of entanglement should be considered mutually self-serving and otherwise 'reckless behavior'.

'I want to have a baby.'
Besides suicide, the ultimate among all selfish acts made by humankind has got to be procreation.





I've been single for a few months now, and have suddenly become very curious why I haven't felt a paradigm-shifting twinge causing me to spiral out of control with obsession for some girl recently. I have been around girls. Pretty girls even. Gorgeous girls by my standards, and yet I haven't broken down and sappily told any of them 'I have wanted to tell you for a long time now, maybe even a week, that I think that I am in love with you', which was at one point in my life a weekly occurrence.

Why haven't I done this recently? Did I 'do some growing up'? Has all of my libido converted to an addiction to something that isn't 'love'? I don't think so, but what I think is surprising is that I am pretty sure that I am in love with a girl who is both far away from me, and so surprisingly fleeting in her romanticism, that I'm sure I couldn't properly pin her down if I tried, and so I feel 'defeated' or something.

It's weird for me.





Woke up in an extremely uncomfortable position, shifted positions.
Added the last of the whole milk to a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Felt 'fulfilled'.
Went back to sleep.
Had a dream that I thought was real but can't remember now.
Felt the urge to listen to 'Romantic' music.
Downloaded some Liszt in E flat Major from thepiratebay.
Found my mother's Harvard Collection of Thoreau, read 'Walking'.
Had coffee with my father.
Listened to a debate on Google Video between J.P. Moreland and Clancy Martin about whether or not God exists, while trying to go back to sleep.
Wrote a short story for my other blog.
Really wanted a cigarette, checked wallet, couldn't afford a pack of cigarettes.
Bummed a cigarette from my neighbor and talked about the military with him, found out he has scoliosis.
Speculated with said neighbor that the Marine Corps probably 'started' the idea of 'hazing in a life-threatening manner'.
Called the Prince George's County office of the public defender to find out how many days before my court date I would have to apply for an attorney to get one for free.
Tried to find some really sleazy porn to tug to.
Ended up jerking off to video of a couple fucking in missionary position.
Missed my ex-girlfriend.
Debated going outside, maybe even going to College Park.
Felt extremely anxious about the idea of leaving my house, wrapped myself in my blanket and went back to sleep.
Felt very hungry, looked in the refrigerator, no milk, no cereal.
Made some hot dogs and potato chips.
Checked Facebook.
Checked my e-mail.
Gchatted with La Frere.
Tried to imagine my novel in my head, from start to finish, and then as a book, and then other people reading it as a book, couldn't.
Sat in a corner for a while.
Stared at my fish.
Named my fish 'Brick Fire' and 'Reverse Sunflower', thought this was 'fucking awesome'.
Looked for 'good music' on the internet, found none.
Read hipsterrunoff.com, thought, 'Carles isn't real'.
Saw Carles online via Gmail, thought 'maybe Carles is real'.
Gchatted with Tao Lin about when he would update muumuuhouse.com's 'content' section.
Tried writing on www.rorhet.net, had nothing to say.
Thought about jerking off again, didn't.
Felt 'complete disparagement'.
Felt 'very sarcastic' about the idea of 'complete disparagement'.
Considered committing suicide using my utility knife, couldn't come up with a good enough header for my suicide note.
Listened to my brother play the drums for a while.
Talked with Gabrielle about nothing, basically (her name/my writing).
Talked with Maria about nothing, basically (what I 'really think' of 'people').
Talked with Caitlin about nothing, basically (old people on Facebook).
Wrote some stuff on twitter.
Thought about making some music, got very anxious about how 'shitty' the music would probably be, wrapped myself in my blanket and went to sleep.
Spent an unusually long time making a turkey/ham sandwich, without tomatoes.
Hurt my mouth eating the sandwich.
Had a 'sugar rush' and pretended to kick my sister, who was not amused.
Threatened to tickle my sister.
Asked my mother to get some milk. Asked my father to get some milk. Looked outside and saw thunder and lightning and water falling and forgot about milk.
Showed my mother a couple of shortcuts for Macintosh OSX Leopard, enthusiastically.
Watched my mother forget what she was doing and repeatedly zoom in and zoom out of an Excel spreadsheet using the shortcut I showed her.
Listened to my brother play the same four measures repeatedly on his upright bass.
Listened to my father make a series of puns and thought, 'I am going to be just like this man that I am listening to if I am not severely depressed once I reach my mid-forties', and cried.
Missed my ex-girlfriend, stopped crying.
Realized I should have called the place I applied to work before they closed.
Realized much more 'appropriate' names for my fish would be 'Ernie' and 'Bert' respectively.
Realized I am definitely lactose intolerant.
Read about how big of a douchebitch I am on my own blog, felt 'sarcastic' about it.
Decided to recount my entire day, at length, in an 'unsarcastic' manner that might convey how 'fucked' everything seems to me, generally.
Talked to Floyd in FBchat.





OMG, so like i'm totally engrossed in this fucking movie right now. Like OH MY GOD, Braveheart, have any of y'all seen Braveheart!? Jesus Christ! This movie is sooooo emotionally charged! There is love and hatred and nobility and french broads and death and patriotism and cancer and horses and bros and ghosts and betrayal and latin and beards and STEPHEN and feminism and even queeeeeers! What a fucking epic movie. I think Mel Gibson is a fucking genius. NOT KIDDING. Fucking genius. <3 Anti-Semites. LOLOLOLOLZZZ JUST KIDDING!!!





There is a girl that I sometimes write long series of words for
And sometimes I talk words at her about things
And sometimes I let her talk words at me
And I look at her face and I think, 'I like how her mouth moves'
I am able to do this while still understanding her ideas
I also sometimes make music for her
And tell her about new technologies
So that she does not become as big a dork as she thinks that she is
And I bum cigarettes off of her, because I am poor
And she tells me things like 'don't be insecure'
And then I stop being insecure
She is a very good friend to me for some reason
And this makes me happy about my life
Also, she is sexy
Being sexy makes life easier in the context of 'society'
Because 'society' cares about how attractive you are
Because 'society' wants to cum inside of you and make more of itself
So it gives you free ice coffee
And says nice things to you even though it is jealous
Of how attractive you are
This girl sometimes feels like she is not pretty enough
Which I can understand, because we think similarly
And she thinks that there must be something wrong if a place is mostly gray
And has mostly gray people in it
That talk about mostly gray things
And even have the last name 'Gray' sometimes unironically
And I empathize with this, even though my emotions aren't very complex
Which seems good
I want to make her a movie actress, and show her she is very beautiful now
And remind her when she is old and not as beautiful
That she was very beautiful once
By watching our films on an old projector
So that she can think of herself as Grace Kelly reincarnate
Or like a Nouvelle Vague staple of timeless femininity
And not be delusional
Like Gloria Swanson in 'Sunset Blvd.'
So that she will say things like 'those times are worth remembering'
And we will make a movie when she is old, because she will be a more experienced actress
And I will have an affair with one of her understudies
Like I did with her when she was her age
And she will become jealous and hate me
And then we will remember that we knew each other
And were good friends before we could buy liquor legally
And before marijuana was legal
And I will stop my affair, and she will stop hating me
And we will finish making the movie, and it will open at Cannes
And we will spend the Summer in France
With our egos






There is distance and then there is compatibility and then there is readability and then there is a strange place where all of them meet and wonder what the fuck they're doing together. This is the foundation for all human connection, and somehow it always happens differently for everyone. I can't imagine or understand or come to a concrete conclusion about my opinions on 'the "like" spectrum' but I suppose if I had to 'say something about it' I would just stamp 'FLAWED' on 'human interaction in general' and then I'd 'run with' the 'chaos'.

I 'like' a lot of people. But probably no more than I 'not like'. And I could probably say the same but in lesser quantities about the people I 'like like' and 'dislike', but I don't know what any of that means at all. I know a thing or two about psychology and anthropology and chemistry, but that doesn't make me a relationship genius, or even remotely perceptive of it, but also maybe I'm 'in the throes'. Damn.

I think what makes people compatible is their desperation. I think that if you aren't desperate, the likelihood that you will really value someone drops very low. But also I think emotional conditioning that is founded on the belief that you are desperate, turns into a habit, or fear, or just a strong emotion in general, and makes you 'work things out' or 'have break-up/make-up sex' to signify your 'need' for each other.

Readability is interesting, because I think this is a primary attribute of friendship. It is about being able to pick up on changes in a person and react accordingly to them. It is also important when you 'like like' someone to have readability, because the very act of 'like liking' shuts down most of this function, and so what little inkling is left is basically what you have to go with until you 'feel comfortable around each other'.

The closer in general proximity you are to a person, the more likely it is that you will hook up at some point, supposedly. I tend to think that if you live within a couple of block from each other you run the risk of family/neighbors finding out, and so you don't do it. But just after a couple of blocks, from there to twenty miles, it seems like physically, the potential for hooking up/dating/screwing-around becomes nearly irresistible if you 'like'-to-'like like' someone. And then also, there is the factor of 'time vs. distance', which contributes to 'the dance' or how far you 'feel' from a person based on how long you've been away from them, and the level of excitement that you feel when you are reunited.

I really don't have any idea what I'm talking about at all. I think I might be 'highly irrationally attracted to someone' right now, and my brain is shutting down as a defensive measure. Damn.





i don't like not being 'in control' of how much i wish i were having sex
i don't like not being 'in control' of when i wish i were having sex
i don't like not being 'in control' of no longer wishing i were having sex

i don't feel that removing my prostate would 'resolve' this issue
i don't feel that medication, or brain surgery would resolve this issue
i don't feel that the extinction of the female gender would resolve this issue

are you still considered 'horny' during sex? or are you just 'having sex'?
maybe you don't stop 'being horny' until orgasm/ejaculation
maybe horny is the body's reaction to a shockingly simple chemical released into the nervous system

i have trouble believing in multiple orgasms for dudes, but maybe i just don't 'get' specifically what an 'orgasm' is

i have a vagina fetish, and it is the only fetish that i am aware of
if i see/visualize a vagina, even involuntarily, i am 'horny'
boobs are good, but i don't have a boob fetish
feet are good, but i don't have a foot fetish
face is good, but then there's doggy style
and cuddle-fucking
i like asses too, but they are closely associated with vaginae

i haven't had sex in a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time
it probably just seems that way actually