P.S. UR GONNA DIE

B. McGILLICUDDY

Hey guys, I just wanted to give you a cheerful reminder, that someday, in the near future: you're going to die.


Damn. Today someone said 'Patrick Swayze's dead', which is by all counts a vile and mean-spirited thing to say about a person who is 'alive' and 'well', especially if they're actually kind of dying.

I think it would actually be pretty sweet if this happened to someone if they weren't actually kind of dying at all, right?

What would you do if someone faked your death? Would you run with it? Would you consult your P.R. person and see what the perks and pitfalls of doing that were? Would you pull an Elvis? A Tupac? A Goku? There could be shittons of cash in having died. If you have a good attorney, you might even be able to cash in on your own life insurance! You could auction off all of your shit and have the proceeds go to you! I think I'm going to effing 'kill myself' tomorrow!

But really guys, you're all mortal.

I don't know how many of you have dealt with this little fact of the human conundrum, but you'll have to eventually. If I were a person instead of a blog contributor, and were confronted with my own mortality, I think I would pass it off as something that will probably happen some random Friday night that I wouldn't have remembered anyway. Or as something I would do quietly, in the privacy of my own home, under circumstances that were fucking awesome. Like while watching Blade Runner or Planet Earth: Oceans, or the Transformers 2 leak. And so I wouldn't worry too much about the 'after', because what the fuck ever right? Either it's something or it's nothing, and whatever it is, it's beyond me, so 'fuck it'.

I'm just really scared about dying before I lose my virginity, or dying before I find true love, or even worse, dying before I find out who my real father is/was/most likely could have been. But really, all I can say is 'damn'. Because sometimes it's just time to go before you really have 'all the answers', which is a bitch. Which is why I guess they say 'Life is a bitch'.

But no, really, I'm scared guys. Like 'willing to become a vampire at thirty as an alternative' scared.

'Bite me, Edward/Bill/Count Chocula. Bite me out of love.' - Da Gothicz

B. McGILLICUDDY