SOME UNDISPUTED FACTS ABOUT GIRLS

B. McGILLICUDDY

As everyone knows, girls do not get horny.

Girls do not cheat, ever, especially when a guy gives them a sickeningly high amount of attention/affection in comparison with their boyfriend.

Girls do not call their BFF and plan to instigate threesomes with awkward/cute boys to deal with personal rejection issues or vague/nervous curiosity.

Girls are generally scared of boys because boys have overwhelmingly higher intellects.

Girls do not prefer douchebags.

Girls are in complete control of their emotions, and even if they weren't, they would not let them effect their decision-making whatsoever.

Girls, generally, cannot be bought by any price or under any circumstances, except for with the offer of trampoline sex.

Girls do not care about the length/width of a guy's penis, and are especially not concerned by particularly large/small ones.

Girls do not read romance novels/gossip magazines/watch Disney movies to make themselves feel better since the model for Prince Charming is the perfect cross between the lovey-dovey-dweebs who are too insecure to say yes to and the assholes too confident to reject.

Girls do not ignore phone calls for no reason whatsoever.

Girls do not like attention/compliments/things that are shiny or smell/taste nice.

Girls are not hard-wired to want to have your BAYBAYZ.

Girls LOVE it when their antics are made absolutely obvious.

Men totally care, and will no longer act retardo-ga-ga over girls now that they know that their Enzyte regiment does not have any correlation with their chances of getting/not getting laid.

Everybody LOVES anal sex. Especially Raymond.

B. McGILLICUDDY