Part 5 of 5
What takes that fortune and multiplies it times infinity, is the fact that there's a WHOLE STRANGE PERSON attached to that thing, and seeing her when I wake up in the morning, oddly enough, makes me want to put my hands EVERYWHERE except for into my own chest. That has GOT to be a neurological survival mechanism! And then sometimes, she says interesting/annoying/OBSCENELY ANNOYING/cute things that get under my skin and make me think. Even if I want her to think I don't think about them, her saying them levels out my brain-to-nervous system ratio, which keeps me grounded so that I’m not just all impulse and thrill like a fuckin’ douchebag. And let’s not forget, she doubles as both the part-time source of the previously mentioned food, and (much to her horror) the full-time source of the majority of the ironic/stupid/gross topics REALLY worth laughing uncontrollably about. So, like, I'm sorry that it had to be this way ladies, but you girls are awesome/gorgeous/incredible/worth every minute of a dude's life, not just how long it takes you to prepare for his night. And though I may spend the bulk of MY life preoccupied with avoiding the topic, every now and again, I’m going to muthafuckin’ remind you, because, "A" your vagina feels AMAZING and is the source of life on many levels, "B" if I don't show you I appreciate you you'll chop my cock off, and "C" because I am a man. A REAL FUCKING MAN, whatever the lamesauce that means.
Part 5 of 5
- ► 2012 (10)
- A LOT LIKE THE TRUTH
- MICROQUIRK UPDATE 2/28/09
- DITZ AND JIZZ
- THIS POST MEANS noTHING (ABRIDGED)
- MIDSHIFT REMINISCENCE
- SOME UNDISPUTED FACTS ABOUT GIRLS
- THE GENTLEMAN'S PLAYBOOK (it DOES exist)
- PHANTOM IMPULSE
- more ROMANTIC RHETORIC
- I AM A MAN pt.5/5
- SHITTY ANGELS
- I AM A MAN pt.4/5
- I AM A MAN pt.3/5
- I AM A MAN pt.2/5
- I AM A MAN pt.1/5
- BEN OPRSTU PRESENTS: FUN LOVE MIXTAPE
- PEOPLE WHO OBVI "GET" VALENTINES DAY
- B. McGILLICUDDY'S ADVENTURES IN PANSYLAND
- (RSI) RESIDUAL SELF IMAGE
- FATAL ATTRACTION
- THE REASON THAT GIRLS LIKE ASSHOLES(!?)
- LOVER'S ISLAND: SPONSORED BY GOOGLE
- THE TEST OF TRUE LOVE
- NEW CHAIRLIFT VIDEO: EVIDENT UTENSIL
- MOVIE TRAILER: ADVENTURELAND
- 500 DAYS OF SUMMER
- THIS IS NOT SUMMER
- RYAN LESLIE UPDATE
- RYAN LESLIE, RISING SUPERPRODUCER? OR GOD?
- DISTANCE pt.2
- NEW ABSTERSION "BRITISH GIRLS"
- NEW EUGENE McGUINNESS VIDEO "FONZ"
- NEW CHESTER FRENCH VIDEO "SHE LOVES EVERYBODY"
- TRUE STORY
- ▼ February 2009 (42)