SOME PEOPLE ARE 'TOO FUCKING HOT' TO BE 'ALLOWED' TO 'PROCREATE'

B. McGILLICUDDY

Have you ever seen a girl or guy that is, 'without question', 'too hot to be alive'?
Photo Via Constance-Victoria


I was looking through my facebook friends today and randomly 'stumbled on' the profile of a girl who I haven't talked to in a few weeks. I decided to 'fb stalk' her page a little, with the intention of 'seeing what she's been up to' and ended up looking through her 'profile pictures album'. After the second photo I immediately thought 'why am I not having sex with this girl right now?' and then 'capped' that thought with 'i could go my entire life never looking at another girl but this one forever'.

I thought these things while also being hyper-sensitive to the possibility that they were irrational, chemical-based, and maybe 'creepy' in a way that people who heard about hearing about me thinking them would feel 'uncomfortable' or at least ask 'who is he thinking about?' with 'intense curiosity' or something. When you think 'fucking insane' things like this about people IRL, that is when you know that a person is 'too fucking hot to be alive/allowed to make more people who are comparably hot'.

There are some people who, no matter how long you 'hang out' with them, no matter if you 'party' or 'hook up' with them, more than once even, every interaction you have with this person will be from 'sub-par' to 'extremely mediocre' because there is this part of your brain that is constantly preoccupied with a type of excitement I call 'Proximity-Based Stupefication Resulting From Inappropriate Attractiveness' or 'PBSRFIA'.

It seems like a mild version of this happens when I meet a girl who I could potentially date, 'seduce', or become 'friends with benefits' with. But girls who trigger full-on PBSRFIA seem like a complete 'waste of DNA' to me, on the basis that my first reaction is to 'worship' them or something. What can I do with this feeling? It's useless. I would prefer to be 'mildly attracted' to 'everybody' than experience this.

Damn. Just thought 'what if I cause PBSRFIA in some people'. Damn. I feel bad. Am I a 'waste of a person' because I'm 'too fucking hot'? Would 'offing myself' help make another person's life 'more productive' via being able to concentrate/hold intelligent conversation/sleep better? Seems fucked folks.

What do you folks think about people who are 'too fucking hot'?
Should they be allowed to live?
Should they be 'banned' from social networking sites where they can 'infect' the internet with their hotness?
Should we sterilize them to prevent the world from being 'too sexy'?
Post links to 'fucking sexy' fb/google/partypic site photographs of people who 'strike you' as 'PBSRFIA-inducing hotties' in the comments section of the blog
Maybe we can compile a list and 'make the world a better place' by 'offing' them in a 'crazy' parody of 'the holocaust' or something

B. McGILLICUDDY