WHAT PREVIOUSLY SUCCESSFUL WOMEN IN 'THE PUBLIC EYE' WILL 'BEBE ZEVA' BE 'MOST-COMPARED-TO' OVER THE NEXT 1000+ YEARS?

Hey, have y'all ever heard of a li'l broad named BEBE ZEVA (bee-bee zay-vuh)??? She is the prodigy love child of famous blogger, Carlos Perez and an astrophysicist babe who was supposedly born on Venus or something! Whoa!

If you haven't heard her name, you've certainly seen pictures of her somewhere on the internet, getting into all the li'l zany shenanigans that tweens get themselves into.

She's an instant hit! Bebe Zeva is clearly the next big internet starlet! What we here @romrhet plan to assess/address/predict is what sort of career path this little darling will take between 'the projected peak of her indie "credibility"/widespread accessibility' next year, at age 17, and her inevitable nervous breakdown/failed drug rehabilitation/attempted murder at the hand of her rockstar boyfriend some time in the next 15~100 years.

Buttercup has systematically compiled an extensive list of TOTEZ MNSTRM female celebrities who have 'found success' (via early exposure to 'the public eye'/being zany & adorable) in the past millennium or two, and what they're 'career arcs' have 'in common' with the potential that this beautiful 'micraltceleb' exhibits.

ZANY COMPARISON TIME!

Jane Goodall
('passionate project' arc)

Much like Goodall's obsession/attachment to chimps and her desire to learn more about humanity by observation and interaction with creatures so similar and yet so different from ourselves, Bebe's ongoing fascination with hipster culture could one day break new ground in the field of anthropology, should she be given the proper resources to 'observe the creatures in their natural habitat.'

Audrey Hepburn
('ideal' arc)

Hepburn's nearly concrete status as the world's most beloved starlet and the unfathomable influence she had on the world through her humanitarian efforts could be, if only by a small margin, vastly overshadowed by the good Bebe could do, given a similar opportunity to win the hearts of the masses and address the issues of entry-level fashion disaster, unchecked broing-out, and inexcusably terrible DJ booking.

Shirley Temple
('memorably tragic' arc)

Fortunately for Bebe, she wasn't exposed to 'the scene' too early, or her unusually mature vision would have out-lasted her novelty, much like Shirley Temple who, despite winning the hearts of millions as an adorable, tap-dancing darling, later joined the G.O.P. and was appointed by George H. W. Bush as America's Ambassador to the Democratic Republic of Souls Sold for Insane Amounts of Money.

Mary, mom of God
('lasting influence' arc)

Much like Mary, Bebe has been able to retain some inkling of innocence despite these soiled, degenerate times. Also like Mary, it is God's divine plan and purpose that will, through Bebe, bring about the coming of a new age [via the reestablishment of alt culture after the apocalypse of 2012]. Also like Mary, Bebe's Jewish.

Dakota Fanning
('FAIL' arc)

Dakota Fanning, despite her fame, fortune, and her current place in the American Library of the Collective Pop Culture Sub-Conscious, is one-trait-shy of having the potential for greatness and long-term memorability that Bebe Zeva has in spates: 'IT'. Whereas Dakota, in her awkward transition period between pre-teen cute and questionably attractive, is now confined to the world of B-Movies and bit roles involving screaming and staring intensely, Bebe can stand and do nothing as the lead in a James Cameron effects thriller and nonchalantly turn down her 'Best Leading Actress in a Motion Picture' Oscar nomination without batting an eyelash.

Maria Shriver
('meh'/'whatever' arc)

Maria Shriver had a successful carrier in the news media, before hanging it all up to raise the children of a caricature of a caricature of a caricature of the ideal male specimen, and she did it all with nothing but 'Kennedy' name-cred. If Bebe follows this arc, she'll do it with actual talent and a no-B.S. attitude, meaning she won't compromise with men, ever, especially not politically.

Emily Dickinson/Jane Austen/Sylvia Plath
('potentially insane/lonely/pretty "effing" morbid, posthumously successful' arc)

Bebe is a better writer than all these bitches combined.

Paris Hilton
('slantface' arc)

Miley Cyrus
('forgetfully tragic' arc)

Miley Cyrus committed internet suicide and is covertly a huge slut. Bebe will not and is not. Case closed.

Bebe Zeva
('???' arc)

Bebe Zeva is 16 years old and lives in Las Vegas, Nevada. She won't be venturing into the world of adolescent degeneracy for a year-and-a-half, but you can check up on her 'brogress' on her Tumblr, Myspace, Twitter, Facebook, and during her infrequent but substantial appearances on Hipster Runoff.

'Sweet "effing" interview' after the jump, for all you 'intellectuals.'

ROMANTIC RHETORIC:
are you aware of how wide-spread your 'fame' is?

like how much being associated with carles has like 'put you into the public eye?'

BEBE ZEVA:
Hahaha

I don't consider my 'fame' (if you'll even call it that) wide-spread

It seems like everyone who knows who I am is in a tight-knit internet community

So I guess in that sense it doesn't really seem like I'm a big deal

RORHET
that's interesting

i consider 'perez hilton' to be 'extremely mainstream'

based on his interactions with carles, i assume he is aware of you

which would put you two-to-three degrees distance from 'instant international fame' or something resembling it

do you agree?

BBZV
Jesus christ, I had no idea they communicated

RORHET
perez comments on hro relatively frequently, or did, last year

BBZV
I think of that all the time, how many degrees I am from other people

Alternative celebrities, mainstream celebrities, notable wallflowers, etc.

I guess that makes me feel better about myself to some extent

RORHET
i think it's interesting that you have achieved this, all from the confines of your house in nevada

that's really impressive (or something)

BBZV
It blows even my own mind...

I interact with outsiders infrequently and am very choosy about my social circle

I have never been approached by someone in real life asking, "are you that girl from HRO?"

So I guess that has to do with why I don't feel that significant

But I have also considered that Hipster Runoff's fan base is more intellectual than someone like Cory Kennedy's

So there is less myspace interaction

I have less “fans”

It really seems like all the internet hype is limited to people who are not as intellectually oriented as others

RORHET
i agree

i recently saw a music video co-directed by the cobrasnake

it was by some redneck guy

i liked the song and researched it a little and found a video of him and andy milanakis (sp) freestyling

it was awful

awful redneck bullshit

but it seems that's the crowd cobrasnake/steve aoki/kennedy run with, which seems okay

BBZV
They certainly seem a lot more dependent on superficiality

That's what I'm trying to steer myself away from - a brand that labels me as someone completely centered on image

RORHET
i feel like the hro, muumuu house, and sub/post-muumuu house people are all fairly intelligent

when i say 'people' i mean 'elites' or something

BBZV
The connection I have to muumuu house and Hipster Runoff has led me to some of the smartest people I've ever 'met'

RORHET
damn,

do you think you would be comfortable with combining 'intellectualism' with 'irony' and 'gimmicky branding' in the way that carles has, or does that make you uncomfortable re establishing your own mythos/celebrity/career

BBZV
That doesn't make me uncomfortable whatsoever

I feel as though my twitter brand has already expressed that intellectualism/irony/gimmicks are part of my persona

RORHET
examples?

BBZV
One thing I like to do is compare my adoration of indie music with my adoration of Neopets

In a recent tweet I said "The Soft Pack is really good Neopets playing music"

People automatically attribute Neopets with childhood, and when they hear me fuse the concept with something like an underground band, it makes for an "ironic bombshell"

RORHET
what medium would you feel most comfortable 'being insanely famous' in, if/since blogging is a dying art/inauthentic/incestuous?

BBZV
Journalism seems like a medium that will never “die out”

It's been my dream to be a journalist since the moment I became literate

I have so much to say about not only myself, but about other people

Anyone who knows me is very aware of how infatuated I am with subcultures and trends

I feel like my fascination with people could lead me to a really fruitful career, but I have yet to usurp my resources

RORHET
by journalism do you mean print journalism, or do you have a preferred alternative medium?

i.e. blogs, a website, a company that is in print and has a website

BBZV
I would enjoy writing consistently for a magazine that focuses on alternative culture, like Vice or Nylon

It seems like freelance blogging would also be a really fulfilling experience

But finding my place as a regular contributor at a notable print source is my supremest goal right now

RORHET
you don't think that print is a dying/dead medium?

BBZV
No, because communication still exists, and will exist as long as mankind roams earth

RORHET
but print, specifically, as a viable means of distributing information

magazines and newspapers go out of print all of the time due to lack of demand/lack of sponsorship/how much more accessible the internet is

BBZV
Oh of course

People prefer the internet to tangible products because its more convenient and takes up less space

I am more of a real magazine kind of girl though, I jump at the opportunity for a tactile experience

RORHET
would you feel more 'validated' if your work were in print?

BBZV
I would feel significantly more validated if my work was in print

It seems like being published on the internet would only be “conceptually affirming”

RORHET
do you have any journalists you look up to?

or any people in the public eye who are doing what it is that you want to be doing?

any characters in films or in print that seem to 'have it good?'

BBZV
There aren't any specific journalists that I idolize

To be honest, I am mostly inspired by it-girls (as superficial as that may be)

I love what Cory Kennedy, Peaches Geldof, and Alexa Cheung did with their fame

They utilized their spotlight and have made good names for themselves

RORHET
and they put out content too somehow, via their blogs/flickrs/videos and remain associated with whoever 'launched them'

BBZV
Of course, they are intertwined in a really successful and notable community

RORHET
would you still be willing to co-brand with carles again, if you became 'secure with your celebrity’ or something, since his brand seems to be ‘going extinct' perpetually?

BBZV
I would co-brand with Carles no matter how “famous” I became, for the sole reason that I adore his brand, his purpose, and his blog

I see Carles more as a person than as a “celebrated blogger"

So I will always be willing to work with him

RORHET
what is it about carles that you are so attracted to? do you know?

BBZV
His sense of humor defines me, and I completely understand what he's doing with Hipster Runoff

I guess that sense of comprehension makes me feel really comfortable and secure, I feel "in my own element" when I interact with him and his readers

RORHET
you have a year-and-a-half until you're 'legal'/able to partake in the nightlife/scene like 'the rest of us'

how do you predict that the ‘altmosphere' will change in that time?

what do you want to happen as far as the concept of 'hipsters', 'celebrity', 'fashion' and 'the internet' change and become more 'futuristic' to fit a during/post-2012 mindset?

BBZV
It seems like the hipster subculture runs in cycles (via people trying to adopt vintage concepts)

I don't predict that the atmosphere will change, I know that the atmosphere will change

When I was fourteen I read about the MisShapes closing down for good and felt so young and detached from a lifestyle I desired so badly

I even wrote them a letter, which is hugely embarrassing but its true

One of my friends told me that the DJ scene is dying, and by the time I'm 18 it will be gone completely

That upsets me, because I feel like I spend so much of my time thinking introspectively that it would be nice to just have some dumb fun once in a while

[Teenagers] are concentrating so much on trying to be philosophical and intelligent these days

I don't want to have to deal with that my whole life

I'm sixteen and trying to forge my own identity, I deal with pretentious people everyday

I guess what I'm trying to say is the post-2012 mindset will be saturated with pseudo-intellect [via teenagers trying to seem 'intellectual']

I wish I was old enough to enjoy the whole "lets just party to see and be seen" crowd because that seems a lot easier than trying to impress your friends with big words and quotes by Zizek and Nietzsche

RORHET
i like that you are 'trapped in suburbia alt'

seems funny

you are carles's ideal

speaking of carles, one things about hro/muumuu house i like personally is that everyone is 'approachable' to an extent

they may blow you off, but they don't ‘block’ you

anyone can 'talk to y'all'

not even sure if that's an astute observation or just 'generally seems true'

BBZV
That's true, they're smart enough to give you a chance

I feel like snobby it-girls would probably just roll their eyes at you if you made an attempt to get to know them

But writers and bloggers wouldn't

RORHET
do you know of rumer willis?

she had the potential to be 'an it-girl'

she tossed it though

BBZV
She has a tragic sense of style

She has name cred though, I'm not sure why she doesn't utilize that

RORHET
there are things about her i find genuinely attractive, but she's 'a butterface'

BBZV
Completely ironic, being Demi Moore's daughter

RORHET
she wants to be 'authentically famous', like sans namecred

she's acting in indie movies

BBZV
There's nothing fun about being 'authentically famous'

You don't feel special when you're recognized because its just expected

RORHET
hehehe


BBZV
I'm shaking my head in disappointment

RORHET
it's bruce's fault

i blame bruce

that ugly 'mothereffer'

BBZV
Hahahahaha

Most celebrity kids don't have good appearances because they're dressed by their nannies

The parents don't have time to teach their offspring about aesthetics

So I blame that fact

RORHET
hmm, what did you mean about being 'authentically famous' not being fun?

i feel like carles and tao lin are authentically famous, is that a good example?

they don't party often/stick to themselves

BBZV
In my opinion, someone like Jessica Simpson or Rachel Bilson is authentically famous

Then there's the Hollywood A List party scene

RORHET
yeah, for being famous for no reason

BBZV
And underneath that are the "microfamous elites"

That's definitely Tao and Carles

I wouldn't actually label them as microfamous, just generally famous

RORHET
hmmm

‘a-list party scene’

who is a part of that i.y.o.?

BBZV
There's a lot of them, pretty much everyone the cobrasnake hangs out with on a regular basis

RORHET
could you do a comprehensive comparison of 'types of fame', who fits into each category, and what tier you would feel most comfortable on and for what reasons?

i think that would be a good foundation for 'your career'

like 'a critical analysis of fame, how to achieve it authentically, and what it looks/feels/acts like'

i would read that kind of journalism/book/generic type of literature

if the author were 'guerrilla'/part of the scene

BBZV
I would love to write about that

There is a whole 'fame underworld' that most people aren't familiar with and I would really enjoy bringing it to the surface

It seems like mico-celebrities have their own set of cultural norms and ideals that are completely foreign to other people

Seems like a comprehensive study would make for a fascinating read

NEXT TIME ON ROMANTIC RHETORIC: WHY TERMINAL CANCER IS GOOD FOR YOUR MARRIAGE