'This holiday season' won't be very merry
But I will 'get by'
And find a way to 'spread the cheer'
And give 'hope' to 'the hopeless'
By making a minimal charitable contribution to non-profit Santa costume bros at my local supermarket
And by mindlessly 'spendthrifting' and 'binge-purchasing' 'meaningless shit' for my family and 'loved ones' despite my meager budget
But I am also a lover in another sense
I penetrate/am penetrated by the genitals of another person 'regularly'
A person with expectations and desires and a superficial, consumerist mindset surrounding the nature of our relationship
And who draws unreasonable correlations between how much money I am willing to spend on him/her and how much I like him/her, because we get 'so vulns' with each other 'regularly'
And supposedly 'lovers' are expected to try and do 'the best they can' for their mate/fuckbuddy/chill-ass-bro/bitch that they like 'a lot a lot'
In order to maintain a healthy relationship
Or initiate a healthier relationship (via couples' counseling)
Or ease the pain of ending an unhealthy relationship at a potentially traumatic point in the year
What should I get my 'significant other' for Jesus-mass/Rihannukkah/Kwanamadan/post-Arbor Day Arbor Day/the pagan solstice celebration?
Should I make him/her something nice that appeals to his/her interests?
Should I make him/her a 'sorry I'm so effing poor' card?
Should I cash the bonds my grandparents gave me and get him/her something that's 'unreasonably pricey' to impress him/her and force him/her to stay with me despite this 'fucking recession'/my recent nervous breakdown/his/her recent infidelity shenanigans?
Should I buy him/her a li'l pet rabbit?
Seriously stressed-out re 'how to most effectively convey my feelings/lurve&affection/appreciation for having a relatively sane person who will have sex with me "regularly"'
What do yall think I should do?