12/10/2009

WHAT DO I GET THE PERSON I LIKE 'A LOT A LOT' FOR THIS (POTENTIALLY NON-EXISTENT [VIA HAVING NO EXPENDABLE INCOME]) 'HOLIDAY SEASON?'

I am a bro who has 'fallen on hard times'


'This holiday season' won't be very merry


But I will 'get by'


And find a way to 'spread the cheer'


And give 'hope' to 'the hopeless'

By making a minimal charitable contribution to non-profit Santa costume bros at my local supermarket


And by mindlessly 'spendthrifting' and 'binge-purchasing' 'meaningless shit' for my family and 'loved ones' despite my meager budget


But I am also a lover in another sense


I penetrate/am penetrated by the genitals of another person 'regularly'


A person with expectations and desires and a superficial, consumerist mindset surrounding the nature of our relationship

And who draws unreasonable correlations between how much money I am willing to spend on him/her and how much I like him/her, because we get 'so vulns' with each other 'regularly'

And supposedly 'lovers' are expected to try and do 'the best they can' for their mate/fuckbuddy/chill-ass-bro/bitch that they like 'a lot a lot'

In order to maintain a healthy relationship

Or initiate a healthier relationship (via couples' counseling)

Or ease the pain of ending an unhealthy relationship at a potentially traumatic point in the year


What should I get my 'significant other' for Jesus-mass/Rihannukkah/Kwanamadan/post-Arbor Day Arbor Day/the pagan solstice celebration?

Should I make him/her something nice that appeals to his/her interests?

Should I make him/her a 'sorry I'm so effing poor' card?


Should I cash the bonds my grandparents gave me and get him/her something that's 'unreasonably pricey' to impress him/her and force him/her to stay with me despite this 'fucking recession'/my recent nervous breakdown/his/her recent infidelity shenanigans?


Should I buy him/her a li'l pet rabbit?


Seriously stressed-out re 'how to most effectively convey my feelings/lurve&affection/appreciation for having a relatively sane person who will have sex with me "regularly"'


What do yall think I should do?

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