THIS

B. McGILLICUDDY

I am in a fucked state of existence. Also I'm pretty convinced that I am even more so existentially fucked. Jesus Christ. Is my brain 'broken'? What the shit does J. J. Abrams want from me? What is it that you want from me J. J. Abrams? My money? I'm poor. I can't give you money. I have nothing to give to you.

I am convinced that as a person gets older they develop a potentially infinite capacity for subjecting themselves to retarded thinking. Senility is the final phase of this. But people are basically stupid and do things stupidly and are considered by me to lack the synapses needed to become worthy of non-existential acknowledgement in a concrete reality once they have reached their early twenties. After a person's early twenties only secondary and tertiary interfaces that can hide their stupidity should be used for actual communication i.e. programs on the internet and the programs that act as proxies for other programs on the internet.

I don't like putting people in groups. This kind of shows that I am existentially fucked and that I am stupid because people put themselves into groups sometimes. Why would I deny them this? I don't know. Maybe I'm not denying anybody anything. But I don't like putting people into groups. Groups are fun sometimes I guess. I don't know. 'Star Trek' was made for 'a group' of people who recently stopped thinking. They stopped thinking and only remember. I never want to put myself into this group. Remembering is only good if you weren't old enough to remember what you trying to remember. This is OK and is called 'history' or something. 'History' is good when it is made by people who lie interestingly.

My parents liked 'Star Trek'. I asked them if they liked it and they said 'We liked it' and smiled. I didn't like it. When I watched it I felt insane outrageous emotions and realized that I was part of the demographic that the movie targeted and this caused even more outrageous emotions.

Did you read the story I posted before this? This takes place the day after that story. No bullshit. 'This' is tomorrow.

No one in my family wanted to see 'Star Trek'. I had to be extremely convincing to get them to go together. I was extremely convincing and we drove to a theater. I walked leisurely up the stairs in the theater and found where I wanted to sit. I turned to my sister and said 'This is where I want to sit. Is it okay that I want to sit here?' 'I don't care' she said. I changed my mind 'Is it okay if we sit one row back?' I asked. 'I still don't care' said my sister. I was very excited. I wanted to see this movie.

My parents sat somewhere else. I remember when I was little they would laugh uncontrollably for hours talking about 'Star Trek' and then we would watch 'Star Trek: Next Generation' together on television and I would fall asleep. Then other things would happen and 'Star Trek' would come up in conversations or something. I think I'm done telling this story now. I'm bored of it and forgot the beginning and don't feel like rereading it.

You were there, after 'Star Trek'. You waved and smiled and stuff. It was amazing. I was afraid because I remembered that I said things drunkenly to you the day before and was confused about my thoughts about having done that but not in a bad way. Then I became afraid because I thought that it was very unlikely that I would ever see you again because I did not expect you to be affiliated with anybody I knew. But you were. This has no point. I am still existentially fucked. I thought 'I should make an effort and like do something to show that I was amazed. How do you show someone you are amazed and perplexed while maintaining an neutral facial expression. What is going on. There are penguins on my television. So many penguins.

'This' is the sequel to 'It'. Are there words that go well with this? Is there a theme? I can't tell. I don't think I will edit this at all. Will I review this at all? Are there spelling errors? I don't know. I feel severely depressed I think because I have used the pronoun 'I' so many times in what is supposed to be a first person fiction. First person fiction should use 'I' minimally to appear descriptive and complex and not stupid. Why am I writing this? I am going to bed. 'This' is going to be shitty. Shit this.

B. McGILLICUDDY