THE VERY MINUTE POSSIBILITY OF FINDING SOMEONE BETTER

B. McGILLICUDDY

I am breaking up with you
Based on the very minute possibility
That I will be able to find someone better
Before I become uncontrollably horny again

We should have sex
One last time
So that I can imagine your vagina
And not some other bitch's
Or start watching porn again
The next time I am in bed
And restless
And regret having broken up with you

I would prefer that you not cry
Because I want to stop feeling sympathetic toward you
Why aren't you crying? Why aren't you crying?
Didn't our relationship mean anything to you?
Wasn't the past five months
One continuous G-spot orgasm?
Or am I delusional maybe?
Am I crying

I am breaking up with you
Because I believe that there is someone in the world
Who has a vagina, who won't talk shit about me
Behind my back
I am breaking up with you
Because I believe that there is a woman somewhere
Who compliments me perfectly
But who is also not lame enough to sign up for online dating

I am breaking up with you
Because I am afraid of your mind
Because after five months, I am not entirely convinced that you are sane
Or at least insane in a way that compliments my insanity
And I don't trust you

Stop talking shit about me in your head
Yes, I will change my mind within a week
You listen really well but I can tell you think that I am shit
By looking at your eyes
You have really sort of beautiful eyes
And I think I am most specifically breaking up with your eyes

Stop talking shit about me in your head

B. McGILLICUDDY