I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED

B. McGILLICUDDY

I fell out of love. Or she did with me I think. Then I got really depressed. I started hanging out with interesting people and getting really drunk. I'm not 21, so I was doing this illegally. Then I met La Frere, and for four hours on a very cold night in Washington D.C. we were angels. We were superior to everything. We pretended that we weren't 'hipsters'. It was really amazing/exciting/self-degrading because I think we fell in love with each other a little that night. Then we both got scared about what we were getting into. I have a problem with projecting my thoughts/expectations on other people. She might not have felt anything, she might not have been scared, but I know that she was surprised by something, and that made me feel nice that I surprised her.

Then, or maybe before that happened, I reconnected with Floyd, who I met in Los Angeles, and who I thought was very awkward because he didn't talk much and was Canadian. But he was friends with one of my favorite musician's girlfriend at the time in LA, and was a photographer, so I kinda passed him off as a bit of a summertime novelty personality. I don't think we really 'connected' during this trip, but I saw him on facebook the next day and friended him anyway. I don't remember very clearly how we 'reconnected'. I think I left a comment on a photograph or something and it was 'meaningful' to him or we started a 'conversation' on the internet that branched out into a philosophical discussion. I had just broken up with a very pretty girl, like I said, and so I found it cathartic to discuss 'love' and 'relationships' with Floyd, and I soon found out he had not only been dealing with a similar situation, but had once dated a girl with the same name as the girl I had just broken up with.

So we started a blog. And now you're reading it. And La Frere's here too. And so is my friend from high school, Oracular Spectacular. They kind of 'mean more to me' than my family sometimes.

That girl and I got back together for a little bit. But then she left me, so my self-esteem went down pretty low and I felt vengeful. That's part of the reason the blog stopped for a while. But we're kind of back now.

B. McGILLICUDDY