FEELING 'UNATTRACTIVE'

A funny thing happened last week. At the bleeding crack of dawn Friday morning, I got a call from Amy Winehouse asking me for advice regarding her public image, as well as her private one. She was on the other line with Lady Gaga and they had been discussing some aspects of sexual attraction and what self-important Hollywood-types look for in a broad, and apparently my name came up. So they asked for my take on what a man wants in a crazed, self-obsessed/self-loathing pop icon. Neither of them is really that far from the ideal, but they could still 'use a little work.'

1. Men love women who inadequately define their self-applied gender rolls.

'I might be a man, but I look like a woman. Just kidding, I'm a woman who will save the world, like Jesus Christ' - Lady G

2. Men love a woman who can keep up with their crazy reckless behavior and drug habit.

I personally think it's way more romantic when you're getting too fucked up to have sex together.

3. Men love a woman who may only 'look okay' but is still proud enough of her body that she just doesn't give a hot goddamn.

'Self-awareness is not a quality I value in a woman' - Mr. Winehouse-Blake-Civil

3.2 In fact, overcompensation is almost better

'It takes an hour to undress me. Since there isn't much to look at once that's done though, you can consider the undressing part the foreplay. Now find an orifice and let's do this' - Laddie Gaygay

4. Permanent body modification that everyone notices immediately is chill.

I guess I have to take back that whole body image comment.

5. Guys, generally are interested in wanting to fix your problems, so to attract one, flaunt them shits.

She also has a(n)/multiple __________, if you didn't know.

5.2 The only thing both women are missing, and the deal-breaker in my opinion: BABIES are an extra 20% boost in most if not all cases involving attracting a solid douchebag.

Previous 'perks of having a baby' post:
http://romanticrhetoric.blogspot.com/2009/07/mmmmm-babies.html
More related shit (via Winehouseur coverage);(apparently my advice worked):
http://www.timeslive.co.za/entertainment/celebrity/article166942.ece

BONUS PHOTO