10/11/2009

THINKING ABOUT 'ENDING IT ALL' BECAUSE OF A GIRL

Relevant music:
Hockey - Too Fake
Dead Man's Bones - Pa Pa Power
Fat Joe - Pornstar (feat. Lil Kim) Radio Edit

This is a suicide email 'my friend' 'CC'd' me before he tried to commit suicide and eventually ended up in the hospital with a pretty gruesome stomach pump down his esophagus, which I got to see in a picture. Seems 'intensely depressing.'

To Whom It May Concern,

I am going to kill myself today. If you are reading this, then I have already killed myself. If you are reading this and I have not killed myself, you are helping me edit it so that I don't convey the wrong message or impression of why I am killing myself and who is responsible for making me want to kill myself.

Angela Doherty.

She has driven me to do this. She is crazy. I love her. I apologize for being so intense about this and everything. Tell Angela Doherty and my mom I was in a skiing accident or something. I'm not out for revenge.

Later,
Jeremy Hilliard


Feels like this kind of behavior could be classified as 'pseudo-apocalyptic.' What kind of universe has this become that 'normal humans' are capable of processing the ability to 'fucking kill myself' and perform this action with gratuitous sarcasm? I don't think Jeremy is 'crazy' or 'depressed', just dependent on a person who is completely emotionally unavailable.

Seems bizarre that people are so naturally and remorselessly unfazed by the consequences of existence, though, in what I assumed was an insanely emotion-driven and survival-obsessed microcosm, id est human existence.

Is it arbitrary that the Andromeda galaxy is on a collision course with the Milky Way? What are the consequences of and how do you measure the extensive influence 'mass destruction' has in a universe where Twitter exists? Seems like information has become unanimously subjective and purposelessly accessible and has therefore just become material for 'dark humor', or something.

I talked with Angela over espresso and stoags after this incident and she said 'I was at a house party eating a girl I didn't know out while the guy I'm dating was watching when his friend called and said Jeremy had tried to kill himself.' She said she came as soon as she could so she could leave the party, but seemed otherwise ambivalent about the fact that Jeremy survived.

No comments:

Post a Comment