Pertinent Music:
Michael Jackson - This Is It (Original Version)
The Dodos - Acorn Factory
Chester French - She Loves Everybody (Pance Party Remix)

Really want to 'get a hold of' myself. Having an 'epiphany' or maybe a 'spiritual experience' or 'emotional fit' or something. Might just be an anxiety attack. Keep thinking the question 'what the fuck was I thinking?'.

Went to the doctor today to 'get tested'. Seems like I'm fucked. The doctor kept saying 'everything's going to be okay' awkwardly and without making eye contact frequently enough. Not sure I trust these 'Hippocraticus' types; 'doctors'/'quacks'. Not even sure what those words means.

Kept thinking the 'doctor' in this video could have an STD. She is human, she is probably vulnerable to seduction/irrational behavior/drunken negligence, unless she is a cyborg, or frigid or something, which would disqualify her from talking about sex altogether IMHO.

What makes you different from me, Dr. Ko?

Repeatedly thought, 'there is no not-awkward way to "talk about" STD's', and 'what the hell is this?' while watching this video. Seems fucked, like our 'culture', via Christianity, scared people into 'not talking about sex' and thus prevented Americans from saying not-awkward things regarding sexual practices, regardless of their obvious normalcy.

I hate taboos, guys.

Despite this video's attempt to remain tonally neutral and 'state the facts', it seems 'intensely morbid' to me. Maybe I am in an altered state due to 'panic' or a repressed form of 'rage' or something.

Not 'sure' why we didn't just use a condom.

Suddenly not 'sure' why we would ever consider using a condom.

This video seems like quirky propaganda for stupid people. Pretty sure sex with condoms sucks. Suddenly feeling like sex is pretty arbitrary besides its procreational function, which is ironically the only function I am sincerely disinterested in (for now).

Not sure if I can call realizing 'life comes with consequences' and that 'death is an inevitable part of life' and that 'disease is an inevitable part of human interaction' 'rationalizing', but it seems true and somehow comforting. Feeling OK now. Might have an STD. Damn.

Feel like my 'reaction' to the test results will be appropriate, whatever they are/it is. Will probably insist on condom use more frequently if they are 'negative'. Will probably become a lack-luster supporter of ______-awareness and kind of a bad person generally if it's positive.

Going to avoid any activity involving what this anatomically represents for a while.

Seems gross/evil when I'm not horny.

Going to feel 'insanely lucky' if it turns out I don't have any sexually transmitted diseases/infections. There is probably a surprisingly large, undocumented 'demographic' of people who are 'clean' and have a lot of sex with each other. Doesn't seem that uncommon. Wonder where I could find statistics for something like that. Probably nowhere.

Damn. Everything seems OK, besides the fact that it hurts, a lot, when I piss.

No comments:

Post a Comment