I had a bit of a head cold last weekend and went to the doctor's office to convince my doctor, who I think has a crush on me, that I should be on opiates to 'ease the suffering caused by my illness'. While I was in the waiting room there, Disney's 'Sleeping Beauty' was playing on the waiting room TV (my doctor's wife runs a pediatrics practice out of the same building, so there are always kids movies on the television).

Watching that movie and seeing the ease with which 'Prince Charming' 'overcame all odds' to 'be with' his 'true love' seriously offended my sense of self and understanding of what it 'actually takes' to get into and maintain a 'meaningful relationship'. Seems like Disney movies make it appear 'hella simple' to 'get the girl' via children relating easily to the innocent nature of the 'hero', and like homophobia, unchecked tom-peeping, and various messianic complexes could develop in children exposed to this kind of thinking/storytelling too early.

Damn. Just realized I 'grew up on this shit', and that at multiple times in my life I was convinced that I was the 'charming prince' who was 'meant' to 'rescue' some 'damsel in distress' and whisk her off to a life of insanely romantic comfort and emotional stability. Pretty sure this feeling lasted all the way up until I realized that women cannot and will never be 'emotionally stable', no matter who they date/marry/elope to Neverland with.

I just read that the super-corporation, Disney, bought out the indie filmhouse/graphic novel producer, Marvel. Damn. If I recall correctly Marvel used to make an ancient type of cave drawing called a 'comic book' and published them monthly, creating 'canons' of 'very serious' works of fantasy, like 'Spider-man', about a teenager who had trouble deciding between doing what 'seems right' or doing what 'feels right'. This concept seems 'deep' to me. Then there was 'The Incredible Hulk', who had 'anger management issues', and destroyed a lot of things/killed a lot of people/cost the government lots of $$$$$, but was 'so in love' with some broad that she could turn him 'not-so-angry' just by looking in his eyes or something. This seems 'heavy' to me, 'meaningful' even. Seems like Marvel's stories make Disney look like a bunch of pussies just trying to sell movie tickets/VHS's/DVD's/MERCH to a bunch of Yuppies via deceit, while Marvel is about 'telling stories' and 'being in touch with life's pain, while escaping into a similarly painful, but more imaginative universe'.

In reality both Marvel and Disney are trying to capitalize on the 'unstable emotions' of tweens/teens afflicted with ADHD/Asperger's Syndrome/who r just rlly lonely and instill a niche market of children with a series of conflicting values/views on the human condition/what is possible in reality, and what it means to 'love somebody' via yourself.

Here are some pictures of what would have happened if Marvel had bought Disney instead of the 'vice versa'.

Images via io9.

Not sure 'the ideal women' that these broads seemed like in their original Disney debuts come through at all here. Wonder if they are more or less like real women than their 'Yuppie fodder' counterparts. Are women 'truly evil', or do they 'just not know what they want' and need to be told via decisive, rational male opinions?

(WWWDS?) What Would Walt Disney Say?
-If he could see what 'his baby' had become
-If he knew that he had 'created a monster' via the 'Mickey Mouse Club'
-If he knew that some bullshit computer nerd rejects, via Apple/Pixar, would be the source of the majority of his company's profits in 20__?
-If he realized, on his deathbed, that women were all actually 'huge bitches' and his glorified animated heroes/heroins would create a generation of children with distorted concepts of love and bring about the end of civilization as we know it, via everyone becoming progressively more effeminate?
-If a reporter had speculated that Mickey Mouse was 'a FGGT' before ~1985?

R.I.P. WALTER 'ULTRA-DOUCHE' DISNEY 1901-1966. Always in our <3's


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