WHAT PREVIOUSLY SUCCESSFUL WOMEN IN 'THE PUBLIC EYE' WILL 'BEBE ZEVA' BE 'MOST-COMPARED-TO' OVER THE NEXT 1000+ YEARS?

Hey, have y'all ever heard of a li'l broad named BEBE ZEVA (bee-bee zay-vuh)??? She is the prodigy love child of famous blogger, Carlos Perez and an astrophysicist babe who was supposedly born on Venus or something! Whoa!

If you haven't heard her name, you've certainly seen pictures of her somewhere on the internet, getting into all the li'l zany shenanigans that tweens get themselves into.

She's an instant hit! Bebe Zeva is clearly the next big internet starlet! What we here @romrhet plan to assess/address/predict is what sort of career path this little darling will take between 'the projected peak of her indie "credibility"/widespread accessibility' next year, at age 17, and her inevitable nervous breakdown/failed drug rehabilitation/attempted murder at the hand of her rockstar boyfriend some time in the next 15~100 years.

Buttercup has systematically compiled an extensive list of TOTEZ MNSTRM female celebrities who have 'found success' (via early exposure to 'the public eye'/being zany & adorable) in the past millennium or two, and what they're 'career arcs' have 'in common' with the potential that this beautiful 'micraltceleb' exhibits.

ZANY COMPARISON TIME!

Jane Goodall
('passionate project' arc)

Much like Goodall's obsession/attachment to chimps and her desire to learn more about humanity by observation and interaction with creatures so similar and yet so different from ourselves, Bebe's ongoing fascination with hipster culture could one day break new ground in the field of anthropology, should she be given the proper resources to 'observe the creatures in their natural habitat.'

Audrey Hepburn
('ideal' arc)

Hepburn's nearly concrete status as the world's most beloved starlet and the unfathomable influence she had on the world through her humanitarian efforts could be, if only by a small margin, vastly overshadowed by the good Bebe could do, given a similar opportunity to win the hearts of the masses and address the issues of entry-level fashion disaster, unchecked broing-out, and inexcusably terrible DJ booking.

Shirley Temple
('memorably tragic' arc)

Fortunately for Bebe, she wasn't exposed to 'the scene' too early, or her unusually mature vision would have out-lasted her novelty, much like Shirley Temple who, despite winning the hearts of millions as an adorable, tap-dancing darling, later joined the G.O.P. and was appointed by George H. W. Bush as America's Ambassador to the Democratic Republic of Souls Sold for Insane Amounts of Money.

Mary, mom of God
('lasting influence' arc)

Much like Mary, Bebe has been able to retain some inkling of innocence despite these soiled, degenerate times. Also like Mary, it is God's divine plan and purpose that will, through Bebe, bring about the coming of a new age [via the reestablishment of alt culture after the apocalypse of 2012]. Also like Mary, Bebe's Jewish.

Dakota Fanning
('FAIL' arc)

Dakota Fanning, despite her fame, fortune, and her current place in the American Library of the Collective Pop Culture Sub-Conscious, is one-trait-shy of having the potential for greatness and long-term memorability that Bebe Zeva has in spates: 'IT'. Whereas Dakota, in her awkward transition period between pre-teen cute and questionably attractive, is now confined to the world of B-Movies and bit roles involving screaming and staring intensely, Bebe can stand and do nothing as the lead in a James Cameron effects thriller and nonchalantly turn down her 'Best Leading Actress in a Motion Picture' Oscar nomination without batting an eyelash.

Maria Shriver
('meh'/'whatever' arc)

Maria Shriver had a successful carrier in the news media, before hanging it all up to raise the children of a caricature of a caricature of a caricature of the ideal male specimen, and she did it all with nothing but 'Kennedy' name-cred. If Bebe follows this arc, she'll do it with actual talent and a no-B.S. attitude, meaning she won't compromise with men, ever, especially not politically.

Emily Dickinson/Jane Austen/Sylvia Plath
('potentially insane/lonely/pretty "effing" morbid, posthumously successful' arc)

Bebe is a better writer than all these bitches combined.

Paris Hilton
('slantface' arc)

Miley Cyrus
('forgetfully tragic' arc)

Miley Cyrus committed internet suicide and is covertly a huge slut. Bebe will not and is not. Case closed.

Bebe Zeva
('???' arc)

Bebe Zeva is 16 years old and lives in Las Vegas, Nevada. She won't be venturing into the world of adolescent degeneracy for a year-and-a-half, but you can check up on her 'brogress' on her Tumblr, Myspace, Twitter, Facebook, and during her infrequent but substantial appearances on Hipster Runoff.

'Sweet "effing" interview' after the jump, for all you 'intellectuals.'