'PRETTY SURE' I'VE 'CONTRACTED' 'SOMETHING'; FUCK

Pertinent Music:
Michael Jackson - This Is It (Original Version)
The Dodos - Acorn Factory
Chester French - She Loves Everybody (Pance Party Remix)

Really want to 'get a hold of' myself. Having an 'epiphany' or maybe a 'spiritual experience' or 'emotional fit' or something. Might just be an anxiety attack. Keep thinking the question 'what the fuck was I thinking?'.

Went to the doctor today to 'get tested'. Seems like I'm fucked. The doctor kept saying 'everything's going to be okay' awkwardly and without making eye contact frequently enough. Not sure I trust these 'Hippocraticus' types; 'doctors'/'quacks'. Not even sure what those words means.

Kept thinking the 'doctor' in this video could have an STD. She is human, she is probably vulnerable to seduction/irrational behavior/drunken negligence, unless she is a cyborg, or frigid or something, which would disqualify her from talking about sex altogether IMHO.

What makes you different from me, Dr. Ko?

Repeatedly thought, 'there is no not-awkward way to "talk about" STD's', and 'what the hell is this?' while watching this video. Seems fucked, like our 'culture', via Christianity, scared people into 'not talking about sex' and thus prevented Americans from saying not-awkward things regarding sexual practices, regardless of their obvious normalcy.

I hate taboos, guys.

Despite this video's attempt to remain tonally neutral and 'state the facts', it seems 'intensely morbid' to me. Maybe I am in an altered state due to 'panic' or a repressed form of 'rage' or something.

Not 'sure' why we didn't just use a condom.

Suddenly not 'sure' why we would ever consider using a condom.

This video seems like quirky propaganda for stupid people. Pretty sure sex with condoms sucks. Suddenly feeling like sex is pretty arbitrary besides its procreational function, which is ironically the only function I am sincerely disinterested in (for now).

Not sure if I can call realizing 'life comes with consequences' and that 'death is an inevitable part of life' and that 'disease is an inevitable part of human interaction' 'rationalizing', but it seems true and somehow comforting. Feeling OK now. Might have an STD. Damn.

Feel like my 'reaction' to the test results will be appropriate, whatever they are/it is. Will probably insist on condom use more frequently if they are 'negative'. Will probably become a lack-luster supporter of ______-awareness and kind of a bad person generally if it's positive.

Going to avoid any activity involving what this anatomically represents for a while.

Seems gross/evil when I'm not horny.

Going to feel 'insanely lucky' if it turns out I don't have any sexually transmitted diseases/infections. There is probably a surprisingly large, undocumented 'demographic' of people who are 'clean' and have a lot of sex with each other. Doesn't seem that uncommon. Wonder where I could find statistics for something like that. Probably nowhere.

Damn. Everything seems OK, besides the fact that it hurts, a lot, when I piss.

BLOG POST ADVOCATING FIDELITY

B. McGILLICUDDY

Seems like blind, relentless advocation for fidelity is OK. Can't think of an instance when cheating or 'splitting up' for the purpose of 'sexing some other person' ever turned out well for anyone in the movies/in print/irl. Also though, seems like 'telling people how to live their lives' is a 'counter-productive' objective to pursue. Damn. Wasn't actually aware that I felt this way. Damn. Brad and Angelina seem OK. Is this true? Do they exist? Jesus. This blog post seems completely useless now. Feels like I should go 'save' some broad who is dating a douchebag by 'seducing her away from the bro' for the purpose of 'fixing' her. Seems like it might 'blow up in my face' or something though. Like, what if he is a psychotic homocidalbro? What will I have gotten myself into? Might explain why they're still dating via threats/beatings/Stockholm Syndrome.

Not sure if I enjoyed listening to this song. Seems 'overly-melodramatic' or something. Feel like emotions like the one this song makes me feel are 'over the top' and don't really exist in the context of the human experience or outside of this 'genre' of 'rock', and maybe like bros who listen to this music are 'pretty emo' and likely to be 'easily seduced' by someone morbid, like a goth or 'true blood' fan or something and maybe 'lash out' for no apparent reason against 'broads' because of some 'deep-seated issue' or something. Even though Muse doesn't seem to 'take themselves too seriously', seems like their music and people who listen to their music seem to 'take themselves very seriously' but 'staunch' their facial expressions so as not to seem 'too emo'. Seems like it's OK to cheat on a person who enjoys listening to Muse, but like maybe it 'could get violent' if they ever found out. Jennifer Aniston listens to Muse.

Feels like I just pulled that paragraph 'out of my ass'. I am going to write another one.

I feel like Incubus might appeal to the lower end of the American emobros who listen to Muse, because they talk about how things 'feel' in a context that seems to 'stand apart' from 'real life experiences' as an 'escape' or something, for people who have to 'put their real feelings away' during the day, but then can go home and just 'chillax' to emorock and 'not give a fuck' about anything and maybe cry a little. Love hurts y'all. Kind of can't believe that rock music like this is 'still being produced' after the advent of indie music 'going totes mainstream' via MGMT, Kings of Leon, The Dodos, etc. since indie bands seem 'sarcastically emo' or something, in a way that is 'more about the music'. While Incubros seem to care about 'their music', seems they are just 'doing gigs'/'trying to feel something y'all' and not 'loving life' really. Where are their gfs? They seem like they would 'commit suicide' if they found out they were being cheated on or something. All of them. Damn. Touring doesn't seem very conducive to fidelity.

I really liked the Dodos and had a 'meaningful show experience' with them during college. Then they released their second album and I 'went fucking apeshit' and decided they were my 'favorite band'. Then they sold out to Miller for some 'royalties' or something. I was thinking of 'cheating on' them with 'The Dirty Projectors', but I think that I'll stay 'faithful' and still tell people that 'Visiter' is my favorite album ever, and not 'Bitte Orca', on principle I guess.

Have you ever cheated before?
What was it like?
Was it 'worth it'?
Did it turn into a 'more meaningful relationship' than the ex-bf/gf you 'cheated on'?
This is a metaphor about 'keeping ur dick in your panties'.

B. McGILLICUDDY

FAVORITE BAND SELLS OUT: LIFE OVER

B. McGILLICUDDY

I was so distraught starting to write this post, I misspelled my name. Then I misspelled every subsequent word I tried to write. Jesus Christ, I don't even drink this beer! I think that maybe I'll start to drink this beer.



GOD DAMN YOU AD EXECS.
GOD DAMN YOU SELLING OUT BEING THE NEW 'IN'.
MISS YOU 'THE DODOS'.

PRETTY UPSET 'THIS EMOFAG' BROKE THE STORY.

B. McGILLICUDDY