OMGWTF WHY HAVEN'T I COVERED THIS YET!?

B. McGILLICUDDY

Love. What is it? Well from my highly biased but generally accepted opinion, 'the lolves' is a feeling of inherent attachment and a deep level of commitment to a person. Now I understand that the definition varies drastically when you get into specifics/psychology/culture, but hear me out because I'm talking from the perspective of a cynical romantic who's heartbroken and doesn't 'get why she's not that into me', etc., etc....

So most people are practical and are interested in their own survival on some level. For example, if you are a person who needs food in order to survive, typically when you are hungry and know of a means to feed yourself, you'll do it, whether it be 'get a job', 'ask your parents/friends/a bank to loan you some money', or 'beg'. Now I am in the unfortunate and unique position that I do not need food in order to survive, because I don't believe in survival. Survival is an absurd and highly abstract concept to me. Survival can go fuck itself. I prefer 'luv'.

Now this is a heavy stance to take on my existence, because it makes me an 'irrational person', but I feel like most people take on particularly ridiculous stances concerning most if not all 'important' things, so I'm decidedly different in a not-so-different way. I kinda like writing, I kinda like eating, I kinda like listening to/making music, but I kinda become a little piece of shit-nothing when I'm alone. I don't know why this is. I think I understand some fundamental psychological parameters for why my brain strung certain nerve clusters together and allowed me to draw certain conclusions, but I have an extremely limited understanding of the world and therefore have chosen not to question it, 'the world'.

But I do question the women in my life who say 'you don't really love me. you're in love with the idea of me'. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I don't tell women I'm not willing to live for that 'I'm in love' with them. Now excuse me for asking, but If I'm not in love with you, then who the fuck in the world is in love with anybody? Are we all just abstractions bouncing around in each other's heads? The answer to that question is yes. Yes we are. So would you please not tell me after I spent days of my life worrying/wondering about, laughing with, holding and never wanting to let go of, TRYING MY DAMNEDEST TO BE A DECENT PERSON FOR, and could have easily taken a toaster to the bathtub in order to avoid the trauma of putting up with, that I'm enamored with an 'idea of you'.

When we were together I was holding off on being a complete fucktard/douchebag/apathetic asshole as a gesture to show that I wanted you. Sorry that that's not what chicks are into. Sorry that I'm only an asshole to chicks I don't give two shits about, but, fuck. Soooooo over it now.

NOT.

Also, concerning being 'intense' in a relationship: I've heard of people who have mutilated themselves, beaten their gfs/wives, and lied extensively to themselves and others all in the name of 'lurve'. I don't think I was that intense. I was mostly just honest.

B. McGILLICUDDY